COURT
____________A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during felony trail - it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this than officer, do you have a
room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officer with your life, that you find necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

All About Work Place:

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.If we see you wearing $ 350 Prada sneakers, and carrying $ 600 Gucci Bag, We assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may by nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. ~ If you dress in-between, you are right where you
need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We we no longer accept a doctor`s statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In a rare
cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you
to work trough your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract the stall door will open and a picture well be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the „Chronic Offenders” category.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more,
so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that`s all the time
needed to drink Slim Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, concerns, comments, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

THE MANAGEMENT

CNN Breaking News: New flash Prediction For Year 2029:
==============================================================

1.Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

2. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminal violates their civil
rights.

3.New federal law requires that: all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must register by January 01.

4.White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
California`s third language.

5. Baby conceived naturally ... Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

6. Since Castro finally died - Cuban cigars are imported legally.
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

7. Postal service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

8. 85 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lb.

9. Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts. Capitol Hill intern indicated
for refusing to have sex with congressman.

10. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

„A ZASTO LEPO NE BISMO SKRATILI RADNU NEDELJU NA 30 SATI I ZAPOSLILI SVE NEZAPOSLENO, ZAR TO Ne bi BILO POSTENO, DA RESIMO PROBLEM NEZAPOSLENOSTI?”

Pretpostavljam zato što bi mnogi politicari i pravnici ostali bez
posla. Za koga da se bore i udaraju 'u grudi junacke'?

U davna vremena pitali nekog znavstvenika za definiciju pravde.
„pravda je nešto kao i paukova mreza - veliki insekt može da proleti”

Jedan u prilog: U C.Gori zasijedala skupstina u odlucivanju radne
nedjelje. Kada su saglasili stavove i odredbe, doneli su zakljucak:
Subota i nedalja su neradni dani. Ponedeljkom i utorkom je odmor od
nerada. Srijeda je radna. Cetvrtkom i petkom je odmor od rada.
Kada je procitana uredba,oglasi se predsjedavajuci: 'a jel` ima neko
nešto da pita:' Javlja se jedan iz zadnjeg reda: 'a oce li svaka
srijeda biti radna?'

Ni pomislio da jesi...
;-)